Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
