Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
