One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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