is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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