so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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