so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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