Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
