fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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