Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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