sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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