We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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