my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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