I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
