Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
