Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
