i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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