Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
