i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
