Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
