My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize