I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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