Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize