doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
