He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
