you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sobbing to NWA
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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