I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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