just tell him i said nine months
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize