I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
