I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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