Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
