His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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