a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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