she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
