is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
