found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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