He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
