Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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