just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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