Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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