Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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