What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
