Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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