you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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