I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
