I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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