lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
