Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
