my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
