I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
