That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
