uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
