I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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