You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
