just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
