Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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