Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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