and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
