So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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