true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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