Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Randomize
