i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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