Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
