....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
what day is it and did you see me today?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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