So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
