I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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