I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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