i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize