I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
