im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
