my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
