Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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