I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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