I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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