We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
