Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
